Painful Reminders
by Cae-Leigh Anne
Summary: A part of The Dreamer Series. A look into Octavia's head during certain events as the years pass by without her friends that didn't make it through the first war.
1. Harry's Sorting

The New Potter at Hogwarts

Octavia entered her suite at Hogwarts with the idea of checking on her daughter. She was still incredibly worried about what happened to Willa only a couple of days ago. The fear she felt go through her when George burst through the back door claiming that Willa was in the park and struggling to breath was horrible, not even close to something she felt during the war.

She found Willa still sound asleep on her own bed. She had been checking on Willa every couple of hours since they had arrived earlier that morning but she had been sleeping most of the day, in fact she had been sleeping most of the last few days but the Healers at St Mungo's said it was a normal reaction to the Potions she was given to help clear her throat and lungs.

She headed down to the kitchens, wanting to speak with Ellie about having the elves spend up Willa's favourite foods for dinner with hopes that it would increase Willa's mood.

Willa hadn't said as much but in the moments she was awake since the allergic reaction but Octavia knew her daughter and she knew her daughter hated the fact that she was feeling like she was, wasn't up to her usual standard of high energy.

The rest of the afternoon was a normal flurry of activity for Octavia as her and the other Professors were getting ready for the arrival of students. There was excitement among them as Dumbledore had confirmed that Harry would be attending since he didn't want their shock at his arrival to give the students reason to gape and stare at Harry, despite the fact that they probably would.

But it was as she was sitting in the Great Hall, staring at the first years as Minerva led them in that she instantly searched for Harry, she couldn't help herself. She quickly spotted Ron, the red hair not hard to miss and it was then she found the carbon copy of James standing beside him.

Her heart broke at seeing Harry standing there, looking so much like his father, so much like the brother she had lost ten years ago.

She still hates herself for letting Dumbledore take Harry away. She wished she had the courage to stand up to him, to say that he couldn't take Harry away from her and that he deserved to be with them instead of the muggles he now lived with.

But, she also knew just how much she would have struggled with an extra. She couldn't cope as it was with the questions, the questions surrounding the missing parents. She always knew Willa was easy, telling her that Sirius was in Azbakan, telling Emerson that Lilith was sick and had to stay at St Mungo's but it was telling that sweet, innocent girl that Remus was gone with no explanation as to where, why and if he would return one day.

It made it all worth to see Harry in front of her now, alive and well. He may have looked a little on the smaller side but that could be the Evans genes coming out in him instead of the Potter genes because she clearly remembers James always being on the taller side, always being tall and lanky.

It was when the Sorting Hat was placed on Harry's head that Octavia couldn't help but wonder just what James and Lily would think of his sorting, Merlin even Sirius if things were different. She was curious as to if James would give the same speech to Harry that he gave to Sirius on the train ride about being placed in Gryffindor or if he would be happy wherever Harry got placed. She thought of Lily and if she would argue with James over where he got sorted, convince James that things would be fine if for some strange reason Harry was sorted into anywhere but Gryffindor or Merlin forbid Slytherin.

There was a slight smile on her face, she could practically imagine the rant James would have had if Harry wasn't sorted into Gryffindor all while Lily would have sat there rolling her eyes at James' actions and Sirius would have sat there with a smug look on his face because his own daughter was sorted into Gryffindor.

She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths as the image of a scene that would never happen brought her to the verge of tears and she couldn't cry in front of the students.

She opened her eyes just in time for the Sorting Hat to call out Gryffindor. She smiled and clapped along with everyone else at the news of Harry's sorting.


	2. Sirius' Birthday

Sirius' Birthday

 **November 3** **rd,** **1989**

It never got easier. As the years passed it never got easier missing Sirius, it felt like there was a part of Octavia missing. During the summer when she was home with the girls from Hogwarts and crawled into her bed at night, it didn't diminish the fact that the second owner of the bed was gone, wrongfully ripped from her life.

It seemed as though this particular year was harder on Octavia then ever before and she could only put it down to the rather large milestones that Willa was reaching and Sirius wasn't there to witness them.

She could see it on her daughter's face when her Hogwarts letter arrived, how much she wanted both parents there. How she would be okay with the rare wand she had received in Ollivander's and how she just wanted a second voice telling her it would all be okay.

Octavia's heart broke a little on September first, watching as Willa's head snapped around when she was looking for the Weasley family. Octavia knew Willa was slightly lying when she claimed she was looking for her best friends, Octavia knew.

She knew how much her daughter wanted her father there, watching her head off to Hogwarts for the first time, tell her she wasn't a freak.

Octavia knew that Sirius would have given in, would have given in at the sight of those round puppy dog eyes and caved, telling her that it was a hat that sorts them into their houses just to give her some relief to help ease the concerns she had about arriving at Hogwarts.

A short few months and Sirius had missed so much.

The last birthday of Sirius' that they were able to properly celebrate together was his eighteenth birthday, and that was only because they were still at Hogwarts. She promised him that the first chance they got they would celebrate his birthday properly, go back to do family things and celebrating together and not using Willa's birthdays and milestones as their only reason to escape the chaos in their lives.

It was enough to raise a smile from him as they laid in bed together when he turned twenty.

Octavia just wished she knew then that it was the last birthday she would have been able to celebrate with him. That come the following year when he turned twenty-one that they would be separated, that she would be on the verge of a mental break down while attempting to raise two toddlers with the help of their friends while he was locked away in Azkaban being charged with killing all of those people and being the person to betray James and Lily Potter, something she still doesn't believe to be true to this day.

Today was Sirius' thirtieth birthday and in an effort to feel closer to a husband she hasn't been able to see in nine years, she pulled on his leather jacket and ventured into Muggle London with the purpose of renting a motorbike for the day, riding it with his soothing words appeared in her mind from when he last attempted to teach her to ride the bike.

Remus' words before she left be damned.

And she prayed Willa would be okay for one day without her. She just needed this day to herself.


End file.
